Sunday, May 23, 2010

The One Where It Requires Me Being The Judge...

Well's been ages since i posted something in here...ah well, here goes ;)

It was last wednesday (may 19th) where... i was invited for the second time as one of the judge (forgive me, my english sucks as always, plus it's 3.31 am now and i can't sleep!!!) for my hometown "Tadau Kaamatan" (Harvest Festival).

All i can say, it was an honour to be one of the person trusted to select the best "Winner" to represent my hometown, Tuaran / Sulaman. Yes, i am a serious judge, no joke!

The thing i hate the most is when people start calling me the soonest they know about me being one of the judge, and asking me to choose their relatives or cousins or friends. It's a big embarassment for me to choose someone based on so and so told me to do so. I was being very polite when i told them, "I will do my best" with a smile. I think next time, i should say..."would you like it if i choose other people's relatives just because they told me to give high marks? Where your relatives were the one who should be wearing the crown?".
I have brain and i choose the best among the best, or else...don't bother inviting me as one of the panel judges! I may sound cocky but i'm being myself, for me no point in entering a contest if your goal is to make a fool of yourself. I'm a proud lotud! And i want whoever representing Tuaran, will bring back the crown this year! Period!

To those future contestant, my advice will be :

1. never ever let other people force you into participating in something which you have no interest in. You choose for yourself to be in the pageant competition, you should know what you're getting yourself into.

2. preparation wise, make sure your costume, make up and hair do are all ready and always have a back up plan, just incase....every detail counts

3. practice makes perfect.

4. always believe in yourself, especially when u're on the stage....don't make a fool of yourself in front of the crowd...make urself outstanding from the rest, but not in the foolish way!

5. beat that stage fright if you wanna win! No judge will give you marks based on pity marks, specially not from me. How do you expect to win by behaving like a loser on stage?

6. give it ur best shot at whatever you do, be it presenting yourself, singing or even at photo shoot sessions. then you can say to yourself, you give your best, the rest is up to the judges...

Last but not least, always be friendly to others. people will remember you, even your surname for that...
To all the aspiring Unduk Ngadau out there, it's an once in a life time experience ....i use to be a tomboy-ish girl....who make fun of all the beauty pageant contestant because of how foolish they projected themselves on stage, until i became one of the contestant parading on stage (which was out of betting with one of my beloved cousin..sighhhh long story...) So i know what i'm talking about...
The day this ugly duckling (that'll be me ;) ) became a swan in her own pond, was the best day of my life! I'm proud to have started a "trend" altho that time, it wasn't as perfect as the ones i saw recently, at least i can see all of the Tuaran contestant "shines" on stage!!! That was the ultimate goal!!!
Altho i didn't managed to bring the crown back for my hometown that year, it turned my life 360 degrees in term of self confidence and it changed me to be the person you see me today. And i have to thanked my cousin for that, for always believing in me and the overdued thanks to all my supporter that time....for supporting me, i'll always treasure that memory.... The best day ever!!! That day i say to myself, it doesnt matter that i didn't get to win the crown as the Harvest Queen, what matter the most was, I'm the Queen of heart to all the supporters and audience, and hell....i give it my best shot! And i'm proud to show to all that this is one hell of an Unduk Ngadau, very very rare species, indeed!!
I have a feeling that Ledesma Steven will win the state level crown this year!!! Go Tuaran / Sulaman!!! Make us proud!!!
Kotobian Tadau Tagayo Do Kaamatan!!!
Yours truly,
Matahari '96 ;)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The One With Loneliness

Last saturday, I don't know what got into me... i suddenly felt like i'm the only human being alive in the whole universe.....the loneliness was extremely unbearable....

Could it be, I'm trying too hard to reach out to be heard? Honestly...i don't i was sitting outside the balcony looking out, i realised something that, i finally understood why some people willing to accept their partner's mistakes and willingly closed one eye...just so that they have someone by their they are not lonely....

Then it brought me to another question....can i live with that? Honestly, i don't know....

That particular morning, i really wanted to be be heard, be it small talk...or simply bitching about something...main important thing was...i don't feel like being alone that particular i did the usual unthinkable...i called up all my friends..the usual one ;) to my disapointment...none of them answered. Well obviously it was a holiday. plus some havent even wake up from their beautiful dream ;)

I kept calling until i cant think of another number to dial..then i said to myself... "God, tell me....who is this person that you've sent to ease my loneliness...i really am lonely now and i wanna know...." Soonest after that, my phone rang! And he was definately a blast from the past!!!! Someone whom i thought i can just leave, but never really left me whenever i'm in trouble....D :)

Regret for letting him go? Nope....but it was indeed a beginning of something more wonderful than it ever was....A Higher level of understanding about life on my part....and missing me terribly on his part :)

Sometimes....things happened for a i fully embrace the whole sentence....and fully embracing my loneliness and turning it into something wonderful, to the eyes of others, it's barely a relationship.. so to me, it's a bond that no one can ever break... and this is how sure i am with the whole thing that has been happening if everything that happened...brings us closer than we could ever imagined.

I embrace the whole meaning of loneliness and felt happy in a way, lonely doesn't mean that i'm totally alone, it's just that sometimes, it makes the heart grew fonder (in my case, not yet in love AGAIN...but the thought of someone thinking about me, in such way...the feeling is like listening to a beautiful melody in a sunny morning with a cup of coffee...content....yup that makes me happy!!!!

.....Soulmate? You tell me..... :)