Saturday, April 17, 2010

The One With The Possibly with Crush?

Today, I received a text, saying "I Miss You".

It's flattering when someone thinks of you in a very special way, especially when that someone is from an opposite sex. The thing is, i think of him as a little brother whom is in need of some special attention, he is by the way... 6 years younger than me. Lets just called this little brother as SiG, shall we?

SiG is a very special young man, where thru reading his blog...i feel that he's a very sensitive person by nature. A young man who needs guidance in realising his fullest potential in life. A person who's smart intellectually, but a little tangled when it comes to emotional side.

Main reason why i blog today was purely explaining the mechanical side of how people fall in love and some, having a crush, deep crush...almost similar to falling in love but a little different, in my own word.

I came to know about this crush thing when i was about 8 - 9 years old. Where if you have been following my journey (Blog, obviously !) you'll noticed there's an write up about it in here

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Well some more of it coming up soon ;) (my case..sooner than u think hehee) but just to show that i know how it felt to be, having a big crush on someone ;), really BIG CRUSH.

Those days, i thought i was IN LOVE with that someone, until one fine day i woke up and then...the feeling was totally gone....and it happens just like that. After a series of falling in CRUSH with different men....i come to realise that, crush normally lasted very short, say about a week, a month, a year ( the longest i fell in crush...heeee) When i said, having a crush, i meant having to fantasized about this particular person without having any solid relationship which doesn't includes SEX.

Normally, when you have crush on fantasized about this person, the thought and everything about her / him lift up your mood. Be it, the smell of her / his perfume, body sweat, gestures, specific body parts eg. eyes, lips, mole, face shape, fingers, neck, waist, bossom...etc...even legs...for my case, teeth (bizarre but true...bahahahaaaa) will always reminds you of that specific person. Even to the way they talk, tone of voice, certain sentence, words....etc...even the way they laugh...and the funny part is...the minute you get to know about their flaws....the feeling that you thought was love....fades....some can be overnight, some can take a while...but the main point here fades....that's when you know, what you felt was purely CRUSH.

When it comes to love, about the same as the above mentioned, the difference is it lasted even until you think you found someone to replace that particular person. Even how far you go, even after you guys didnt see each other for the longest time, the feeling is still the same...and it'll never go away. Even after you found out a lot of their flaw...weaknesses...hidden demon or whatever you called it...the feeling is still the'll even feel that you're not complete if you don't have that person next to you or in your life. matter how long apart you guys were away from each other, the thought of that specific person keep haunting you. Some of the places will triggered that nostalgic feeling and will make you wonder, where is he / she? How is he / she doing? How does he / she looked like now? And a million other questions that comes with the thought of that particular person.

Some recovered from it, some choose to never forget about it, who thinks of that special someone dearly no matter wether he / she is already with someone else...some just couldn't recovered from that so called severed broken hearted case. Which comes to my bonus question of the day....Which one are you?

As for me, i tasted all of the go figure ;) ! I still think nothing can beat the feeling of being in love and at the same time loved by that special someone. That's when you know, even if you have two left feet syndrome...youwill definately tango like there's no tomorrow!

Before i sign off, I would like to salute those who have found their GREAT BIG LOVE in matter wether they've lost it due to religion, death or even simply because of indifferences....that may love prevailed and especially those who've been looking but never finding IT ;). May you find what you're looking for, altho some may have to cross the ocean or wait patiently for it to finally appear at their door steps.....

I would like to share some of my favourite love quotes ;) Have fun reading!

1. "You don't love someone for the looks, or the clothes, or their fancy cars, but because they sing a song only you can hear."

2. "In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged" ~ Hans Nouwens.

3. "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." ~ Albert Einstein.

4. "Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open." ~ John Barrymore.

5. "Hope is patience with the lamp lit." ~ Tertullian.

6. "Nothing compares with the finding of true love; because once you do your heart is complete."

7. "There's nothing in this world so sweet as love. And the next to love the sweetest thing is hate." ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

8. " The art of largely the art of persistence." ~ Albert Ellis

9. "Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you." ~ Loretta Young.

10. "Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes the furthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare." ~ Dale Carnegie.

11. "One forgives to the degree that one loves." ~ La Rochefoucauld.

12. "You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." ~Plato.

13. "A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." ~ Hugh Downs.

14. "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson.

15. " You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. " ~ Sam Keen.

16. "True love stories never have endings." ~ Richard Bach.

17. "There is no instinct like that of the heart." ~ Lord Byron.

18. "Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." ~ Marie Curie

19. "Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him." ~ Henry Miller

20. " There are two kinds of sparks, the one that goes off with a hitch, but burns out quickly. The other is the kind that needs time, but when the flames's eternal, don't forget that." ~ Timothy Oliveira.

21. "We were written in the stars, my love, all that separated us, was time, the time it took to read the map which was placed within our hearts, to find our way back to one another."

22. "Sometimes new love comes between old friends. SOmetimes the best love was the one that was always there."

23. "A man is not where he lives, but where he loves."

24. "Live the life you've dreamed." ~ Henry David Thoreau

25. "We love because it is the only true adventure."

26. "You know when you have found your prince because you not only have a smile on your face but in your heart as well."

27. "When love is not madness, it is not love." ~ Pedro Calderon de la Barca.

28. "When you love someone, all your saved- up wishes start coming out." ~ Elizabeth Bowen.

29. "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."~ Nora Ephron.

30. "Where there is great love, there are always miracles." ~ Willa Cather.

31. "I'd like to run away from you. But if you didn't come and find me....i would die." ~ Shirley Bassey.

32. "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world."

33. "Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible."

34. "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to love without you."

35. " Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."

36. " It's so easy to fall in love but hard to find someone who will catch you."

37. "Soulmates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you."

38. "Grow old with me! The best is yet to be"

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for"

Mytha ~ Soulmate

Sunday, April 4, 2010


TODAY, i have so many celebration to do :)

First of all, today's the 1st year anniversary for my blog! I started blogging a year ago, exactly today, same day as in Saturday the 4th April!!! I started to blog because i wanted a space where i can just write anything that come to mind. A place where i can express my mind freely without being judged.

Today is also my late dad's 66th birthday! At the same time, a dear friend of mine..the engineer's birthday!

All and all, I can say, i'm so glad that despite all these had make an important impact on me. Where i for once don't get that emotional anymore, especially things that are related to my father. I am so relief of the thought that my dad no longer be the caused of my drinking irresponsibly behaviour, where i'm totally in control of myself now (of course one of the reason was because i damaged my liver due to drinking irresponsibly, i hope there's such word in english...or should i call it, Ir-english :p ?)

Altho i'm still in my baby steps mode....but today was the most happiest ones i did so far...where i counsel my close friend, E when she came over for tea this late afternoon...she turns out happy after what i called, psycology session done :)

When we finally adjourned for movie "Clash of Titans" , I almost spilled a bucket of "water works" (heheeee..dang drama queen!!!) when it comes to the earlier part of the movie...where the young Pershius, was questioning about where he belonged in his family unit. Which was what i was feeling all these years....Until the part where he was awakened by the death of his loved ones, was where he found his true self and his purpose in me, what happen in the cinema today was totally inspiring especially when i was supposed to clear my mind over something and suddenly it was sent to me either by God or my late father's watching over me....sending me messages and trying his very best to reach out to me in his own way...

At the same time, it brought me ideas to reach out to someone very dear to me (you know who you are ;) ) where i texted him soonest the movie was over..i do hope he's reading this and understand what i'm trying to convey :)

At the same time, while watching the movie, another someone very dear to me called...which he never did during our time together..only after i had left him then he started to show some emotion? It's too late, i guess. I did my best and maybe my best is never best enough for him, therefore it's time to let go for good. Full stop.

The coincidence part of, i marked it as a happy day for me despite the superstition some ethnic race marked on the number 4. Where i managed to find some of the missing items which i presented it to my engineer friend as a birthday gifts. At the same time we did discussed about it earlier on. Where maybe things happened for a reason. Where it needed to happen to make way for something big coming in our life.

With the realisation, i managed to rushed to my other best friend's house at 3.30am to comfort him because of losing his partner recently. What makes it the best day ever was...the smiles every each one of them that make me feel, my job is done today. Especially after i've given my best speech to 3 of them..minus the engineer.

I'm naturally high when it comes to giving free lecture on life :p ( aren't we all eh :p )... I feel it everytime, when i say something that make sense or that hit right thru people's heart and they then started to warm up after that, and feel better or stopped crying totally....and as if they feel like they are safe everytime they pour it all out to me, i feel like i have make a safe zone for them to be healed from deep inside. Have you ever have that feeling?

For today, I have found my true purpose in life, to bring light to those people who are in darkness of finding some missing puzzles in their life, to make a realisation that even how bad the thing was, life is actually trying to make us a tougher person to prepare us of something bigger in life. To make us wiser in the future incase something similar came up.

I felt so blessed to have been given the responsibility to be able to make an impact on other's life. The smile that you get at the end of each session was the ultimate happiness for me. Which brings me to put it up on my status for today, a long with that birthday announcement: Princess : Baby Steps....Day 4 : Make someone really matter how small the gift or things u the end of the day, when u finally see their face lights up with a smile that will definately make u feel, this is it..ur day is complete! The job is done :) (Happy Birthday dear PAPA and my dear friend, Pai aka Daddy PV aka Dada :D HUGSSSSS)

At the moment, my yawn is very like that niah's almost 6 am...and i'm still on blogspot...blogging my heart out :)