Saturday, September 10, 2011

The One Recovering...Almost!

Good or rather Beautiful Morning all :D

I was at a friend's Eid open house last night. As much as i hate to be in a big crowd, i survived last night's open house.

It took me a pair of Fake lashes, heavily smokeyed eyes, a box of Marlboro light, 2 helping of dinner and a plate of varieties layered cakes and some other traditional Eid's pastries....

Resulting of feeling really sick afterwards, :p but seriously....i'm just being me nothing more and nothing less. None the less, I survived! I didn't have to make up fake conversation, i just need to entertained my growling tummy and say hi and bye to the host and hostess :) 

Could this be a new beginning for me to A NEW Me? Against my own fear of being in public? Let's find out...:D

Yours Truly,

Matahari with Fake lashes- Unleashed! LOL

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Late Sunday Poetry

Dear Me,
For no reason today, 
I felt homesick to something or could it be someone?

Could this be the famous longing?
I don't know..
I feel awfully lonely
The loneliness is so painful
Where no one would be able to hear me even if i scream...

Nothing new about being depressed and helpless
But this? 
I am yet trying to put a name to it

Dear Feeling,
Would you tell me your name?
If i do put the puzzles together..
Will you go away and find your place where you belong?

I am only those temporary shelter
For you to stay
Until you find your way home
Remember my loneliness...
I am not the one for you
Someone deserves you more than i do

A kiss for you my far away land

Tamia (Happy Listening, wherever you are)

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Similar to my last year's Eid Mubarak, this year I get to spent a few hours lunching instead of visiting my friends' houses.. with 2 of my favourite hang-out girls at Little Italy, a local italian restaurant in the centre of Sabah's capital city.

What's new this year? I can tell you my 'baju kurung' outfit which i bought last year (which i haven't use...haaa) and probably my lunch companion (last year was ex colleague from previous work place). Which I'm beginning to think that this could be a new beginning of my very own Eid celebration tradition for me. Instead of wishing for my very own family to complete the traditional gathering picture, i'm certainly very happy that for two years now i'm settled with celebrating a quiet Eid (well let's hope my chinese new year is going to be merrier than my one man show Eid...crossing my fingers ), since i'm the only moslem in my family unit.

Don't get me wrong, i have my other family...relatives, cousins which invited me to visit their family, first day, second day, etc....but being in a crowd of people which i'm not used to and pretending to be interested, is very much like pouring oil into a pile of to speak ;) Excuse my language but seriously, it makes my skin crawl to pretend that i'm really interested in a conversation which i know they're going to ask again and again everytime we many babies you have, where is your husband, etc....duh!

Those were the jackpot questions i try to avoid, because probably other may just put on a fake smile and try to be polite infront of others, afraid that people might judge them for a slight improper reaction...where i on the other hand is a walking time bomb waiting to explode any chance i be honest, i'm not a rude person by nature but i do have my limit and when i say limit, i mean by all means explosive, uncontrollable defense mechanism which until today i tried very hard to master. Well at least i tried :)

Recently as per my other entry from my previous posts....yes a lot of things happen, friends get married, friends trying to patch things up with me or with family, a friend got beaten up by her boy friend, friend's boy friend had stroke, friend about to get divorce, friend discover that he/she got HIV positive, friend got new baby, mom decided to leave me for the probably 1001 times to teach me unlearned lessons( just because she doesn't know what i've been doing to help my other friends who's really in need), my beloved brother (who sometimes get corrupted over some sentimental issues)....etc, yeah all that lead to my own version of "Independent Eid Mubarak" this year.

I was actually planning to have an Eid celebration to bring two friends who've misunderstood each other, because of other people's gossip....two of my most beloved friends or rather one of them is my beloved niece. But probably God have His own plan this year, or probably they're not yet ready for it this year....that's why i think postponing the celebration this year is a wise idea. As i don't want them trying to have a fake conversation which i know how that must have felt for them, or worse come to worst, pulling each other's hair!

My wish is to see them patch things up and try to give each other a chance to understand what really happen and how did it started. I think they deserved a chance to clear their names and to put the whoever culprit behind all these forward and learned their lesson for misleading and for tarnishing other people's good name.

I know i only have two hands, but my two hands i would like to put it to good use, as... if i can only bring one thing to the world, let it be Peace, for those who have been misunderstood and misjudged by others.I know how it felt for trying so hard to be nice and still being treated as trash, for telling the whole truth and still being called a liar and for helping those ungrateful people who'll forget your name or your face soonest somebody from the higher ranking desides that the ungrateful person now belong to their society....and that's the truth, painful but yeah shit happens ( do excuse my french!) .

I may sound like i'm on a holy crusade or something, but trust me... nothing makes me feel really happy than seing the supposedly abandoned good hearted people get what they deserved most in life, a little bit kind of a cinderella story, ( which i got mine justified, thank you Fairy HOT daddy) and now probably this Cinderella can be promoted as the fairy HOT bring peace and love if it's not around the world, at least my surrounding :) Ahhh probably that's why my parents had choosen, Irene, as my first name. Which means Goddess of Peace in greek.

Today is the fifth day of Eid, and i'm listening to Keyshia Cole's, "I remember".... nothing to do with reminiscing the past, just love how the starting point of the song...smooth as butter :)

Have a beautiful 5th Eid Mubarak everyone, Remember (and i'm also reminding myself this) : You are not a soul, you are not a mind, you are not a body. You are the controller of all three. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Yours Truly,
(Goddess of Peace)

1. Yeah yeah, i know i'm always in my denial syndrome mode, but what fun a life could be without friends like me ;) yeah you don't have to say it, I Love You guys too :*

2. for your listening pleasure, an MTV theme song (instrumental) forwarded by a far far away friend in a land where music and movies are like food for the soul...;)