Friday, July 31, 2009

Whatever it is...

Life goes on!

I'd totally forgotten about how motivated i can be when times of trouble...hmmm, it amazes me how problem can be a good motivation to excel in life.

To date, i survived a "string" of bad relationship, i'm no longer shy about expressing my feelings, I found a few new muse, I'm in love again with my ole cameras & my ole handycam, i realised that i actually owned more than 500 books (mostly, motivational books!) and more than 1000 cds, vcds & dvds! And altho i'm not really an excellent singer but i SING baby! Heeeeeeeeeeee

Dang, for the very first time in my life, i can sing CREEP, LIVE! Not only that, I wear what i want, i talk to whomever i feel like talking to without the fear of being judged!

Nursing a heartache seems to be the trend in the past now for me..heeeeeee....if people ask me now adays, what i do to over come it? I'll say, Life goes on! We will be a victim if we think we are a victim.....So stop all the self pity and just get on with life and stop feeling sorry for yourself!

Life's not gonna change with a swish of a magic wand! You need to make it right again and you need to have a plan for it. You can call it a back up plan or plan B, whatever it is you've got to do something....not just freeze your ass and cry!

AT this moment, i have a braided hair like a 5 years old Kindergarten girl with flowers (plastic that is heeeeeeeeee...) and i feel damn good about myself! I weigh about 5 kg lesser than what i used to be and the thought of having that 5 K in my hand ( a cousin of mine and me had a bet, whom ever lose weight first... he/she will win 5 K! heeeeeeeeee) And i'm soooo gonna win that!!! Another 30 kgs to go!!! YES!

Ok...before i motivate the whole world, i better go to sleep or else, i'll end up going for KFC for refuelling my metabolism because of lack of sleep! SWEET DREAMS WORLD!!! I'm almost there!!!! Here i come!!!!

Yours truly,
Matahari =)

Friday, July 10, 2009

Dead Honest...

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option"

Above was a quote i saw as soon as i logged into my facebook account earlier, how ironic...

For the past few weeks now, i have been in a deep series of ups and downs, well obviously... I am a very sentimental person.

One second...hmmm....let me just copy and paste another quote from this new "interesting" friend on FB of mine...there>>>

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,
or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...
wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.
One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you....

The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her." ...

I'm normally very inspired with any quotation (the really "fill the empty spot" ones...heeee). Then it hits me, why do i even lower myself sometimes just to get noticed by one particular guy? Where the possibilities are endless and wide open right before my eyes......

Wait a minute!!! I'm not going to fall for that again....where, "if" i'm given just a slight hint of "hope" or attention from one particular guy that i really like and care about, i become a "Drama Queen"..(sighhh)...sad but that's the truth =)

By jotting this down, i have No what-so-ever intention to put others down, passing around gossips, or pointing finger . This is mostly about me, about what's going on in my head right this moment, and i just have to blog it out before i start feeling sorry about me being given a cold shoulder......

I'm in my deepest thought .... in a quest of soul searching..

Altho... i do feel kinda dissapointed about certain thing, but I can never force people to look my way, BUT ....this i know for sure that i will NEVER ever take people for granted. I always hold everyone close to my heart because i cannot imagine waking up one fine day, and realise that I lost A DIAMOND while too busy collecting STONES ......

When other people say, i talk and write like a "knife" better believe them!

Those days, i always hold my thoughts to myself, and guess what happened? I end up feeling sorry for myself all my life! And what do i gained out of it? 36 Kgs, to be exact !

I eat ...whenever i'm depressed, angry and sad! It's like a menu or fast food restaurant (eating spree syndrome!!) for every (emotional / mood) occasion heeeeeeeeee!

So everytime if you do see me (real life, that is) :
1. Gained weight, you should know that i'm NOT emotionally happy about something!

2. If I looked a bit OVER DRESSED for a simple gathering or simply going for groceries shopping, I'm in my "I Am Beautiful Day" (obviously, low self esteem mode ;) )

I have a confession :
1. KFC Mode - if i'm heading here, that's because i just tried a dress and the boutique have no other larger size for me!

2. Burger King Mode - if I'm having a bad "relationship" day with loved ones or friends or colleague....sighhh

3. McDonald Mode - if i'm having a bad day with my family....

What i'm trying to say is, I'm cranky (luckily i'm at home!), sleepy (but can't sleep!) and i'm going to bed with my mask (i do care about how my look!!)...hoping that OPRAH heard me and imediately send a chopper and send me to BALI!!! I really need a long vacation, ALONE & FAR FROM HOME....even my ciggy's tasteless now....

I'm actually imagining myself as Cinderella now and wishing that my prince charming come and rescue me, swept me off my feet and live happily ever after..but then again, life will be boring eh? It's ok, as long as i know (deep down....) that HE is out there somewhere, if it's meant to be, one fine day I'll find my very own Prince charming ...

Meanwhile, this Princess is tired and living life one step at a time. right now listening to "So This Is Love" (Soundtrack from Cinderella...sighhhh heeeeeeeeeee)
Mint Tea, anyone? ;)

Yours Truly,
Cinderella (in denial...)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Wedding Song Collection : Lea Salonga ~ Two Words, I Do

AHA!! You guys must be wondering...what's with the wedding song? ( DANG! )heeeee.....

Well, actually... I'm asking myself the same question too =) hmm....maybe it's one of my "defense mechanism" moments....or maybe because i had a very rough massage the day before resulting blue black marks on several spot of my body .....

Well main important thing is...i found another wedding song (BREATHTAKING....if you ask me ;) ) You have no idea how this makes me feel, seriously!!

I'm actually living in my own world now....just imagine this..everywhere i go, all i can hear is my wedding song heeeeee........i know ;)... I'm just tired of feeling betrayed, brokenhearted, cheated...and what could be more perfect than listening to wedding songs, sleeping with wedding songs, taking shower with wedding songs, eating & drinking with wedding songs, on internet with wedding songs playing on REPEAT on my headphone heeeeeeee

Kinda extreme? Yeah ..I do =) (see what i mean...bahahahhaa)

Well, let me tell you what this song (that i'm about to post) makes me feel....i feel like I'm on air the first time i discovered it..which was just now! I wasn't even looking for a wedding song ( I swear!!!)when i was on You Tube earlier. I accidently clicked on it, while surfing!!! Was actually looking fo another song from Lea Salonga...then BOOM!

Hmm...if anyone of you ever watched "Serendipity", a movie by John Cusack & Kate Beckinsale...what just happened just now will be referred to as a SIGN! hmmmm....(wondering, what could it be....)

Earlier yesterday, I was at my kopitiam and Mr G and Big B dropped by...after Big B left for make up session with DD on the first floor....Mr G & me were talking about soulmates and etc....because i was asking him, How could you guys stayed together in one apartment after the break-up?

For me, it's kinda sad because it started so beautifully and it ended just like that....well whatever it was, i do hope they still remained as good friends.....i was kinda sad..because Big B had once mentioned to me that if she ever get married, her wedding theme song will be "You are the sunshine of my life" by Stevie Wonder. Deep down...i'll still pray for a miracle to happen with these two....

Last nite, i was with my other best friend, "Mem" as refered to ...singing our heart out one of the karaoke....well apart from being a part time psycologist, i'm a part time entertainer ( ONLY behind DOORS!!! Karaoke room!!! ) because if i do perform on stage, none of you guys will buy my cds heeeeeeeeeee.....those people who knows me understand this...very well ;) heeeeeee

Well "Mem" recently came over to my house for one of our session...reminising about the past relationships...and i felt her pain about letting go of the's not easy. Meanwhile, on her condition she just have to...Moving on for this time is a wise decision to make..."Never be sad for what was over, just be glad that it was once yours..." hugsss.....i heart goes out to you sweetheart, i feel you....

At the same time, i feel like things around me have this so called "letting go the past" theme...just like Lea Salonga's song's lyics...

In a while, in a word,
Every moment now returns.
For a while, seen or heard,
How each memory softly burns.
Facing you who brings me new tomorrows,
I thank God for yesterdays,
How they led me to this very hour,
How they led me to this place...

Every touch, every smile,
You have given me in care.
Keep in heart, always I'll,
Now be treasuring everywhere.
And if life should come to just one question,
Do I hold each moment true?
No trace of sadness,
Always with gladness...
'I DO...'


Now a song that speaks of now and ever,
Beckons me to someone new,
Unexpected, unexplored, unseen,
Filled with promise coming through.
In a while, in a word,
You and I forever chained,
Love so clear, never blurred,
Has me feeling wondrous, strange,
And if life should come to just one question,
Do I face each moment true?
No trace of sadness, always with gladness,
'I DO...'

Never with sadness...
Always with gladness...

So here is my other wedding song ladies & gentlemen...i give you Mrs Lea Salonga-Thien...Two Words, I do ;)

For this moment....I'm truly happy, you have no idea...."never with sadness, always with gladness, I do"

Have a beautiful day today mine is definately gonna be a beautiful and wonderful one ;)

Yours Truly,

Thursday, July 2, 2009

When You Know....

"A good relationship isn’t a game you play or an ego trip you take. It’s about love and two people. "

"There may not be Mr Right, as long as you're Ms Right, it's all right...because I believe he'll come, but first we have to like ourselves, make ourselves happy because there's no guarantee that a man is going to do that for you...."

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them what would shape our lives? Perhaps, if we never veered off-course, we would not fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it is comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart and if you are lucky, a plane ride away." - Sex And The City (Season 04 - Episode 12)"

"i may not have the virtue or the noblelity, but i have love, and when i love, i love strongly, exclusively & steadfastly."

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A New Chapter

I was in the mid of writing my earlier other post about my mom's surprised birthday gathering, when it hit me....someone that meant so much to me betrayed me...

Right now, i'm gathering the last piece of my strength and moving do i feel? Honestly, empty, blank, a lot of questions hanging, devastated, betrayed and heartborken......When i met him, i thought i finally found happiness...even if it means that i have to be on the second best bench....

Well..not anymore! I realised today, I'm born a being second best will be totally out of the picture...because once you're born a princess, no matter what, you remained a Princess!

And an engineer friend told me about a status on one of my new friend's FB...that says, "The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have " ...very wise and suddenly i find myself with a new confidence level again!!!!

When i asked my best friend, Suzie..."what am i gonna do with my life now..." she diligently and fearlessly kept kicking my spirit high!!! THANK YOU hun, you have no idea what you just did....HUGSSSS! I feel better..much better and beginning to see the light at the end of my dark tunnel....

She makes me realised that i actually alrealdy have a baby...infact two baby!!! How can i ever forgotten about that!!! I've been soo selfish and so disorganized lately...but luckily i'm back on track!!! Success and successful will be mine....and mine alone!! You just watch!!!