NUMB

I can't sleep!

I wish I could write a play and tell the whole world my story exactly like it is. Tonight, i feel like half of me is dead. Called it drama, i don't care.

Have you ever felt that you're at the right time and at the right place? Even if it's on the oddest place to even imagined it?

Have you ever felt that even by doing the right thing, it felt so wrong? And it's not supposed to be that way?

Well that was my story, a place and time that only i know exist...only i know it's real and only i know.

If i were to describe the whole experience in my own word, i should say... finally i have dived into the unknown and felt what sunk in meant. "Drowned in my own tears as what Bon Jovi
put it in his song, "I'll Be There For You"

Dear God, i am grateful for the time that you have permit me to be with that beautiful soul...i am grateful that You have given me a chance to tell that beautiful soul that I exist... I am grateful that You granted me my wish on how it taste to be in that Once in A Life Time Love feeling...


Yours Truly,
Lifeless Matahari.

December 2011

At this moment, i am writing, at the same time smiling watching my nephew (Abbey) sleeping and snoring loudly. It does not bother me at all.

This school holiday, i felt privileged...truly honored for being given a chance to be his "Surrogate Mum". You guys must be wondering, why?

Honestly, i am NEVER a big fan when it comes to "baby sitting". Yes, I do like looking at those big eyes, the two small set of front teeth...and i extremely love hearing the honest baby giggles...it's priceless...i just don't like the part of trying to calm a cranky baby, because i don't know what they want exactly.

It scares the hell out of me whenever they accidently make that wrong turn and bumped their head somewhere, or swallowed any foreign object which they are not supposed to and end up having tummy ache and what not.....sighhhh

Luckily, my nephew (Abbey) now is 14 years old. When i hear his voice recently over the phone after haven't been hearing him for almost 6 months...i got a shock! His voice now becoming deeper and huskier....and my God, he got pimples!

I enjoy my day today with my nephew, where i get to spend some quality time with him and explain slowly to him of the process of transformation from a little boy to being a teenager boy.

Boy, I was so happy! At least those Parenting seminar which i attended some years back, comes in handy. Of course i add a little "Matahari's touch", so next time when they get to sit down with their kids they can do better than what i did.

I was explaining to my nephew about why my approach to both of them are different, compared to his mom's side of the family. That i was so use to growing up without having a father figure, and so does his daddy. We actually don't know what an actual daddy should behave or how an actual mum should behave infront of his/her kids.

So i will just be his friend, instead of being that old aunt. I told him, i don't believe in setting too many rules and regulations on how he should behave infront of me ... all i asked is to think and always put himself in others shoes first before he does something.

I was so glad that this school holiday, he called me despite what happened between my mum and his mum.... he chooses to be with me despite of all the restrictions set by his mom side of grandparents.

He chooses to be with me. Just that, full stop. (Smiling and teary at the same time...sighhhh Drama Queen..LOL)

Honestly i get a little emotional over small things like this...for me, is the thought that counts. At first, i kinda find it a little annoying when he non stop asking me about a lot of things....slowly as i observed him... it hit me, he was actually trying his very best of getting my attention.

I don't know why, ever since he was a baby...i felt a special bond with this little guy. I kinda felt it whenever he's in trouble or simply whenever he misses me...i simply have a thought of him and ....i will surely hear it from his mom.

Guessed i found myself a guy after all huh ;) LOL..... Unconditional Love, as... despite me being a terrible "Surrogate Mum" , the unorthodox way of taking care of a child, he chooses to be with me. :)

I think i can sleep now, probably go outside the balcony for a smoke first then off to bed....Buenos noche Peeps ;)



Yours Truly,
Mama Princess :D !


Maxwell ~ Whenever, Wherever, Whatever