On my infamous You Tube mode today! For some reason, i put Julio Iglesias name and googled it....and among all the search info result that came out.....i saw one particular song... Moonlight Lady, that really caught my attention. And in the name of satisfying my curiousity, i clicked on it..then...it immidiately take me back to an old old down memory lane state.....sighhh bahahaaaa...here goes.... I was about 9 or 10 years old that time, and as always waiting for a miracle to happen in my life....sitting right infront of the old television..the one with the door ;) , Hitachi, if i'm not mistaken.....suddenly this commercial advertisement about this soap company..May....came out! To those that have seen it, obviously that live during this era... it started something like this....music, then this dashing young man, came out from his limouzine...(I think he was one of those famous male model, Suleiman or Sulaiman) Tall, Handsome and very very well dressed....as if he's on his way to attend a classy function or something.....somewhere somehow... he saw this gorgeous lady..( i think her name was Sue Wang...also one of those famous pan asian model those days..malaysian model that is ;) ) And there ...i was romantising the whole 3 minutes of soap advertisement scene...bahahahaa imagining that i was the gorgeous lady, hunted down by this drop dead gorgeous mysterious man...sighhhh..and yeah i had another episode of CRUSH moment after that!!!! Dear Lord! Sighhhh.... (Another episode of ;) after i came home from Office Pub..where i didnt go to BTC with some other group of friends..) I was actually at home blogging earlier, till Big B came in and i left someone on yahoo messenger! Sorry but i totally forgotten...HUGSSSS I had a call from other friend earlier...saying that she didnt even felt anything about an old flame, which i think she still have..but just having a wall moment, since the old flame is now in town with his new girl friend ;) Anyway, i managed to escape from home to go to Office Pub..then i got free t shirt from Uncle Boi....me and Big B!! I was just having a gut feeling earlier on, wondering wether if it's true that my other old gang might drop in to Office pub during quiz night? And i was right! Well maybe it's because of that "Blue Moon" that i have been getting all this mixed emotion... Actually all i wanted to do is sleeppp now ( i have forgotten what i wanted to blog about tonight....).....so i will leave you guys with Mr Iglesias ;)
I'm still diligently trying to beat my christmas blues with all this backache and "down to the blues" mode, LOL! And like adding salt to my wound, at this very moment, rain start pouring on the second day of christmas.....singing " rain- rain go away, come again another dayy..."
Woke up about 10-ish earlier, i went to bed this morning at almost 7.30 am.... Thanks to the photographer and his brother, Qesh.... they entertained me, cracking all the "kedayan" jokes! Mannnnn LOL especially the one with "kuih KUMPIT" ...don't ask me, i'm a definately blur "sotong" (aka...i have no freaking idea...LOL) as you guys at the moment!
The young photographer ( as what he would like to be known as ;)... "chem", ngam ah :p heeeeeee) did a huge favour for me, where he drove all the way from Keningau to send me my 10 kilo sugar supply for my kopitiam stock ! This is what i don't understand, why does sugar have to be a controlled item? GEEZZ....
Anyway, he (the photographer) and Qesh came in at about almost midnight...so in a way santa did visit me, just this time....this particular santa is (well let me describe him to ya heeeeeeeeeee) beardless, young with black hair wearing all black (T-Shirt and pants) with "selipar jipun" (aka..flip flop! bahahaaaaaaa). Or maybe I can also sum them up as, Batman & Robin, because they're not only brothers, they were also partners in crime when it comes to clicking their weapon (aka..CANON CAMERA! Heeeeeeeeeeeeee)
Well lets just call them Batman & Robin, shall we? Lastnight B & R were both driving white shining Unicorn (aka....myvi & kancil heheeeeee) and both were wearing all black theme, where Robin was wearing short...well i guess Robin was still in the festive mode :p bahahaaaaaaaaa!
We had a swell 6 hours of catching up at my infamous balcony! All giggly most of the time, and boy oh boy...sometime i swear that i almost had an asthma attack from too much laughing! BAhahahaaaaaaaaaa...especially the one it "Enchem" and his famous "Kuih Kumpit" ! I promise to blog about this when i finally get hold of the picture on how on earth does "kuih kumpit" looks like, OK? BAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
Well I hope they do stay in KK because B & R and family were supposed to drive all the way to Simpang Mengayau (The Tip of Borneo, Kudat) for a family trip. Earlier on, it was like a deja vu, when i remembered myself explaining to Robin about the planetary retrogation (http://trsiyengar.tripod.com/srivaishnavam/id20.htmltripod.com/srivaishnavam/id20.html and some other website ...if you guys have time...) and the effect it had on human lives....suddenly, it strucked me that, i did the same thing to my engineer friend a couple of months before an unfortunate mishaps took place which involves most of his loved ones.....and it occured to me that this time, B & R's family were also going to the same affected area, and as if i'm preparing Robin for something big that might take place in his future life! Does this make sense?
I quickly told B & R to begged their parents to skip this trip, instead change their itinerary to somewhere closer to KK area, so that maybe.... if, the parents decided to go back to their hometown the same night, they won't have problem with feeling too tired to drive back!
So i seriously hope they'll change their parents mind about going to Simpang Mengayau just for this time....Please hear me Dear God....
So for now, let's just pray that even if they decide to go all the way to Kudat, their journey's gonna be a safe one....Amen...
Yours truly,
Baby Matahari
P.S. Here are some of the goodies i bought earlier in the name of Christmas spirit!!! LOL! Merriest 2nd Christmas Day, everyone! HO HO HO
Well well, Merriest Christmas and Happiest New Years to All!!!
I for one, sitting with a backache resulting to trying to juggle things... all at one time...serves me right! LOL And yeah, guess what i got myself for Christmas this year ;) ......
A sturdy stainless steel walking cane! <<<<<
Few days before that, i was busy stocking up all the fizzy drinks inside the kopitiam's fridge and by the 5th or the 6th case of coca cola i felt something was seriously off tune with my back....
The next day, i was at one of the cold storage in Damai, buying some bones stock for one of our signature dish in the kopitiam, and decided to just carry the box myself... since there's a lot of people waiting in line to pay their stuff....on the way to the parking, i almost fell down trying to balance my body and the box! Then i heard the sound...CRACK! LOL So the rest was history and that's me and my lovely walking cane guys! LOL
Rather refreshing actually, because i don't have to give anymore excuses about why i don't wanna go anywhere for christmas...especially the visiting part! LOL And at the same time, my mom finally left me alone in peace, on today's christmas morning YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY...no nagging about going to the church on Christmas morning! HOOORAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY =)
Call me an Opportunist, one of my favourite middle name, if you ask me ;) heeeeeeeeee... but i do feel blue, blue as my font color today, because i was looking forward to go to the beach and capture as many picture i can for this year's christmas tho.... or maybe some impromptu barbeque moments with my staff....boohoo...well like they say, you lose some, you gained some eh ;)
Talking about chritmas, i remembered one favourite moment of mine during christmas morning....that was the first and last time i ever enjoyed going to morning mass....that was ages ago.....
Instead of going with my mom and my brother that time, i got to spend the whole morning mass with my dad, for the first time....my mom didnt have to wake me up in the morning and didn't have to force me to wear a dress and braid my hair! LOL
Everything was perfect that morning, where...i woke up really early and took my shower (those days no heater mind you ! LOL) wear my so called best dress, i still remember white and blue the one i wore for my 6th birthday party!!! Well those days everything was so basic, where you will only buy new dress if there's some extra money on your parents side ;) if the old dress still fits, then that's your dress for the next year....LOL
And as i remembered clearly, my dad was wearing his famous white bell bottomed with marron shirt and his black polished leather shoe and it was perfect, just me and my dad! I was very proper when we were at the church...sitting proudly as daddy's girl and waited patiently for time for my christmas present at the local TAMU (bazaar) at Tuaran....
Soonest the mass over, we went to the bazaar, and i immidiately saw my CHRISTMAS PRESENT! Hangging at one of those green tent. A miniature white church with music! YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!! LOL I still remember the music was Jinggle Bells and jinggly was I that very moment! Jumping up and down begging my dad for that small musical white church to be my christmas present!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE =)
Ok after bargaining hard with the seller, I GOT MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT!!! Lord knows how proud i am at that moment, with my dad by my side and with my christmas present, i felt like a PRINCESS! HEEEEEEEEE.....
I was really happy and nothing in the world can make me sad that time. So after my dad bought few more items at the bazaar.... we headed home, by bus and crossing the hanging brigde at Lakang. Right at the moment, i said to God, "Thank you for giving me my best present EVER!" because a part of getting my little musical church, i get to spend some quality time with my dad and i felt like a little spoil princess....the best ever! It was my first going to town with my dad that year...after i didnt see him for about a year that time. He was always on operation with the field force unit.
Soonest we reached home, my brother got his Christmas present as well but was eyeing on my musical church at the same time! LOL So just to proved that my gut instinct was right, i left my musical church on the round dinner table and went to the toilet....and then came out to a torn church door (the musical church door was made out of colorful plastic, red and blue...) Just imagine that....and that i havent even show it to my mom what i got for christmas from my dad....
I was in tears, heart broken and very very blue...because 1. someone ruined my christmas present, 2. my mom's definately gonna blame my dad for buying a fragile gift for me (knowing that i was a rough kid ;) heeeee) 3. I'm definately gonna get punished for breaking my christmas present by my mom, 4. i can imagine my dad's dissapointment that i cannot be trusted with my new musical church... so i did the unthinkable, i hide my christmas present, and sat at a corner and cried my eyes out....LOL!
Luckily, some of our close relatives came for a visit.... then my mom totally forgotten to ask me about my present. Phew!!! But that special christmas, i had my eyes swollen from too much crying...well obviously...bahahaaaaaaa
Anyway, enough about my childhood christmas...How was yours? At the moment I'm all groovy listening to Chris Brown's version of This Christmas! He jazzed it up well baby =) singing ..." hang all the mistletoe....i'm gonna get to know you better this christmas.....and as we trimmed the tree............................A very special christmas...from meeeee...woahhhhhhh" heeeeeeeeeeeee =)
Lastnight, i sent smses to some of my very close friends, and one reply that really touched me was " Moi, I'm thankful that you been always there for me eventhough you have a special mission (she's talking about my MIA TRIP LOL!) . Without that, my past 1 year been the toughest of all, thanks and may you be blessed with lots of joy, health, wealth and most of all happiness that you most deserved.." boy oh boy.....it poured like rain! LOL
I finally realised that, i don't only want friends with whom i wanna grow old with...i want friends who needs me as i need them in my life. Like fresh air to me and vice versa!
Abg MARK, now you understand how cry baby i can be eh ;) bahahahaaaa I know you're reading somewhere LOL and i think i broke ROLLS ROYCE's record as a cry baby TOO!
Oh and also, another you out there... one of my favourite photographer, i know you're reading this, thanks for the lovely thoughts and the morning call sweetie....how's the keningau trip to simpang mengayau by the way? Don't forget my 10 kg of sugar ah :p I mean it! LOL!
So before i leave, here's Mr Brown singing This Christmas, may your christmas always be as meaningful one as mine and may you find peace, love, joy and happiness you all deserved....
Just to add some little notes in here, my happiness is when.... i see tears turns to a big smile! So, to make me happy, dearest beloved..... gather up all that whats left in your heart...the pieces of strength that you don't even realised you have and share it with all those who needed a little kick on the butt and then you know for sure, everytime you guys do that, you make me the proudest girl, to have a friend like you...Proud of knowing that.... what others called as a little encouragement would mean or do to others, especially those who really needs it...I'm proud to be your friend no matter who you are or what you do...or where you are...HUGSSSSS
At this very moment, i'm sitting at my desk on the first floor, The Salon....
This morning it seems a little odd, because i lost my temper to one of my staff and i almost destroy the whole kitchen.... I hate it when i suddenly have the urge of simply destroying something...and what makes it worse, it makes me feel much more superior when i do that and soonest when everything is over, it left me feeling worse...
The thing about being angry, i wish i could just turn back the clock, and undo the temper and damages i've thrown and done to others...but i can't, and with that i have to live with it until i finally find my on / off button on this issue....
It started of with my staff coming late in the morning, then as usual..i guessed they are really testing my patience because for the past 3 days, this particular staff of mine has been dropping the same bloody spoon container. On purpose or not, that's besides the point...it happens right after i release them to do their duty after morning short brief. This morning i totally lost it! So i throw every spoon container within reach and every seat that was blocking my way....
I know, it's really bad....i think i had about enough of everything, and on top of that....the salon was open late, AGAIN!
Nothing to do with showing my superiority here, all i asked was for them to come ON time.... it's about that bloody thing called, PRINCIPLE!!! Or maybe some just plain stupid, enough said....
Today, i think i just wanna let them taste my side of the world....the beauty of being an owner, they can piss me off, be my guess..but at the end of the day, it's me who pay them =) Now...isn't life beautiful?
I'm just gonna wait till one of them open their mouth about the pay....and see who needs who? Shall we ;) nothing to do with revenge here..altho it sounds like one, i just want to make my point across...that, how does it felt to get the principle out of the picture and use one owns rule.... MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY, PERIOD!
(This what i wrote earlier this morning....well actually few days ago...)
Today, well actually it was about around 3 am....i got to chat with this ( lets just call him, Mr Mark / MM, because of his prominant MARK! ) A guy, who all these while only exist in name ...where i finally managed to put a face to a name, FINALLY! Abang Mark...Welcome to the family!!! HUGSSSSSS
Related thru marriage, and NO .... he's not one of my CRUSH EPISODE case guys bahahaha...(Abg MM, incase you're reading this..GOOD MORNING or rather..GOOD AFTERNOON :p ...i know you're giggling there....and i know now why you were named THAT as your first name, bcos of your giggly-NESS bahahahaaaa) JOKE!!! Heeeeeeeeeee
Anyway, it was all started when i recovered my password for my other website profile...(hmmm... maybe god wanted to show me something, well it's just a thought!) and at the same time... me with my forever question marked brain which was triggered by another guy ( let's call this one, Rolls Royce...) ....
Well, i met Rolls Royce on the net, where he added me....being Irene ...i don't just brush people off because i don't know them...instead i asked myself, why does God wants me to crossed path with this person?
Then BINGO! I found out real soon that, Mark knew Royce from school time! Best Buddies! And found out about a whole lot of thing in just one chat...good for me, because i get to have an insight about who Royce really is. And personally, i find it interesting... not because i know a whole lot about Royce now (well...i suspected he was a "SPY" earlier...long story! Shhhhhh) but eversince my first chat with Royce, it's proven now that i was right about my theory regarding those children who grew up with their single parent.
Very interesting in a way that, for a fact ...no matter how good the single parent was to their kids, there will still be something missing in the child's mental development. Something that i can totally relate to my life! In a way... my understanding about why sometimes, people behave the way they are, simply because of the missing link or pieces which supossedly linked the entire picture or understanding about certain thing in life and they can't figure it out or can't find an answer to it, or even can't fit in the empty holes with certain things which other people think it's normal, but to these children it seems difficult... does this makes sense?
Why i'm interested to know about all these? Simply because it does help me a lot in my quest of understanding myself and others, better. Understanding certain pattern in human's behaviour developed as a wall in protecting them from getting seen as weak or hiding things that makes them feel not worthy of being heard of. I, for one am a real life example!
For now, i'm going to bed at 1 pm, (you heard me right! LOL) with a big smile knowing that i understand myself a little better now and at the same time knowing that i gained 3 friends from the whole process.... isn't life beautiful? =)
A couple of days before, i heard from my other friend that my engineer buddy was having a difficulty... lets just say mishap...MAJOR! Until today, i can't stop thinking about it. Words cannot describe how he must have been feeling during this time..even while thinking about what to write... to put things into less painful for others to read, i just couldn't imagine.... how things must have been for him..and how tough for him to face all this...
If you're reading hun, my heart goes out to you....HUGSSSS!
I'm supposed to be doing my packing for my MIA trip tomorrow but i just couldn't put my brain to rest, i kept thinking about how life wouldn't be the same for him and his family after what happened.
This buddy of mine survived a lot of things in life, including the death of someone very dear to him before. Altho that was about 3 years ago but still... it's new to me....because my dad past away 13 years ago but still, i do missed and think about him every now and then...and now...my buddy might be losing 3 important direct family members....i just cannot imagine.....
And it's official, he lost a mother, 2 younger sister, a brother in law, a grandmother, aunties and the list continues....
I just came back from the usual MIA trip and everyday without failed, i kept praying hoping that one BIG miracle will happen but it didn't... i guessed someone up there loved them more...so all i could do is kept every newspaper for each day i was away and maybe set a date one day after posting this post and maybe offer him some word of comfort.
All i see so far, he kept going strong facing it all with his head up high.... BRAVO HUN! I salute YOU! It takes a lot of courage to be where you are at this moment....you always have my shoulder to cry on, that's for sure!
With this, i bid you all adieu...it's 2.34am and i have to wake up to go to my small kopitiam at 6am... May God be with those who lost their loved ones...and grant those who is looking for something to hang on to a great shoulder or a great listener to ease their pain....i feel you, never ever be afraid, you're not alone.... HUGSSSSS
Yesterday (26th November 2009), was really a day full packed with errands... nothing to do with complaining here dudes & dudettes (hehe..) i'm glad knowing that finally i realised how good was my ENERGY yesterday! if i were to compare between eveready battery with titanium battery, i should say....Titanium PLUS PLUS battery!
My day started with waking up from my 3 hours beauty sleep! I slept at 2.30am and woke up at 5.30am, then shower, then get ready for my kopitiam at 6.10am and then taking orders from our loyal early bird customers, then off i go sending my cook's passport to the agent for visa renewal, then off to TM Point Tg. Aru to pay my bills, then off buying some vege and fish supplies for the kopitiam, then an appointment with my car insurance agent for my car insurance renewal & road tax renewal, well that's in the morning till afternoon ;)
Afternoon till evening, i've got to handle customers coming into my kopitiam...i've got to say this...yesterday was PACKED! On top of that i've got to be a psycologist to my customer cum new friend, DM ;) , then pay salary to my staffs, till closing i was seriously hungry and sent my mom and my cook back to the house, to take shower and go for dinner at Annex then yeah i did got the chance to sing a few of my favourite songs yesterday! BONUS!
Right after dinner, i did sent DM back to her house in Ketiau and i had the time to check out DM's place....on the way back, i saw at least 5 cars involved in a really bad accident! Just about the junction out from my kopitiam area.....scary! About the same time, my sister called me and asked me to join her in Junction for drink! Well i smelled something fishy already! Normally i called, but ok for the sake of finding out.....i went ;)
True enough, i became her psycologist again... the second time playing psycologist yesterday! But to my relief, she decided dumping her RUSTY BF for GOOD this time! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Hmm...well to make it short, she was pissed drunk and so was her designated driver! Lucky i was there.... i know this is it this time, she's not turning back and i understood what she's going thru last nite....been there, done it! I'm just glad she came out in time, just in time! HUGSSSSSS
Well as a good psycologist, i decided to make something memorable out of it last nite (always an opportunist ;) )....and decided to drive semi-naked (heeeeee....well still with BRA on :p ) at least something for her to laugh about in the future =) but my fame moments was cut in short because she asked us to stop by the road side, for her to puke! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.......bahahahaaaaa, reminds me of my "sober days"! I think we went to the nearest coffeeshop for some hot soup before heading home at 3 am! Greeted by mom at the main door! Oooooppss.....
The soonest my sister, says hello... she blacked out! Well too much Long island and puking is bad for you...lesson of the day ;)... the one with my buddy will be posted on the next post....
I almost curse SKYPE for not being able to do video call with a new friend today, DM....shhh if u're reading this ;) heeeeeeeeeeeee
Yeah i do sound like "Etta James" at 2 am on yahoo ;) anyway....i count all my blessing today ....for god to have sent me staffs who loves me unconditionally....for putting up with me during my unforgettable mood swing moments....and for a loyal business partner , who stick with me thru thick and thin......and for daddy, who without failed calling me beating all odds just for me to hear his voice over the other line....and for my mom..who despites my moody hello each morning.....thank you for keeping up with me....
I'm not a good daughter nor friend....but i love all those people surrounds me, in my own way....and because there can never be another me.....VAIN? Yes I am.... =)
Earlier on, i was at the nearest club with my cousin, Kakak Belle and my new found friend, Eve...karaokeing ;) yup...... with my husky flu voice....which i'm proud of, Hell YEAH!!!
Soon after, me and MA'AM switched club ;) meeting up with Uncle Boi, Sharki's Owner and Mr Sexy Head heeeeeeeeeeeeee......oh and the b'day boy!!! I had a blast dancing!!! And thanks to Mr DJ ;) he makes sure i was fully entertained!!! To the 80's!!! I was 100 percent sober and i had the best come back dancing my heart out!!! I missed clubbing till the wee hour!!!
All i can say, The Angel brought me there...to make sure i have my feet firmly on the ground....and to make sure, i'm happy and to keep my spirit high...as always.... I was not build to break!!!!
Reminiscing about those time, where my mom practically have to cut the TV cable for me to go to sleep at 8.30pm for school the next day.....
I'm still up now, and listening to Lionel Richie singing Penny Lover....www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkOlrPVwhkQ and still thinking about what to write...well actually too many thing to blog about but i don't know where to begin.....
To those from Kenny's website chatters....Hugsssss enjoy reading...and make sure u read from the begining ok ;)
hmmm... well, i posted my latest face on facebook....i did "uncle boy's nite out with pero's car.....i perfected my favourite teh Tarik recipe ( i think...well for my taste, that is..) i lost few kilo......i chatted with my old friend who came to the salon the other day...i took a snap shot of these bunch of "so called SPIES" for being sooo stupidly think that i don't know what they are up to ( if any of them reading this post.....i got ur bloody car number, and i'm going to report you to the police...just wait and see....that'll teach you a lesson!!!!)
Ah well, it's been a long day and i need to get up earlier morning later to the market....so i'll see u guys around....i do miss my social life, you know! =) sweet dreams and god bless.....Love you
I was on my nosy mode today, browsing thru some of my favourite blogs online earlier...UNTIL....
(I had the best laugh today! No name dropping here ok ? heeeeeeee)..... I came across this conversation on the chatter's box... B: I need a company G: ok, I'll built / build u one... now u tell me, what's wrong here? LOL
Oh MY LORD....I was really holding my laugh, until i almost fainted! My mom rushed in my studyroom to see what happened to me! She thought, i'd gone metal for laughing so loud! BAHAHAAAAAAA
All i can say is, that poor girl deserved a good clap >> BRAVO, for trying her best to make friends ...Even i can't measure to that, at my age now....she was being very patience with some of the remarks (i can say a bit sarcastic remarks) thrown at her for being a little 'clueless' about the real thing that was written / asked, on the chatbox...
At the same time, i can't blame the others for feeling really annoyed by her 'clueless-ness' and for trying too hard to please others, altho i knew she meant well...
All and all, it was the best day and the best laugh for me, because...sometimes when i read her replies and the other comment, i felt like i have butterfly in my tummy..where a part of me wanted to correct her and another part of me wanted to tell the other about what this poor girl's intention by saying things...which sometimes her remarks may sounds a little awkward...but yeah i got what she meant! LOL...just that it came out wrong...because of her english (well my english is sooooo sooooo bad as well )
oh boy....anyway, i met a few interesting chatters there and yeah i had a blast! Altho i know, i left the my cyber world about 3 years back but hey...i really do miss chatting with some of my very old chatmate....boo hoo...ahh well, in life u can't have everything you want ....
Ok, i'm a little sleepy now but i'll dropby when i can ;) Nite Nite Peeps Sweet dreams..where ever you are =)
WOW! Despite my bitter THANK YOU post earlier, and those tons of kleenex moments yesterday and earlier this morning...i managed to catch 2 hour of sleep around 3 ish till 5 ish this morning and woke up feeling, ABSOFREAKINLUTELY ( I'm actually tempted to use the other version of this infamous word...excuse my FRENCH ;) ) FRESH!!!
Yeah i know some of my closest friends labeled me as BATMAN because of my REPETITIOUS insomnia episode... (luckily, thanks to my good gene.... NO VISIBLE DARK CIRCLE!!! YAAAYYYYY)..and i'm officially " Sleepless in between Lido & Penampang" heeeeeeeeee....anyway...
I'm so eager to share with you guys about how my day started this morning about 6 am onwards!
My day started with me driving out from my house with my loyal "makcik" (my maid, now officially my chef at my kopitiam, also my best friend!) then we went to buy some tofu and fishcake at the Lido wet market.... (ehh...one sec, i have to go for supper with my uncle B....) BRB
P.S.
Sorry guys, just got back from out of town...didnt managed to complete this ;) someday when i'm free will come back to this ok ? Hugsss
Wow, todays seems to be a day filled with lessons!
Somehow it started very dramatic for me today, afterall... it was a challenging month for me, Personal and business wise.
Have you ever felt like you've been attacked from every possible angle that you can imagine? Thanks to my brother, he gave a good topic for today's blog.... I was sort of complaining about my "blessings" to him earlier this evening and it was a bit of a relief because that's what i do sometimes if i'm in my "down to the blues" day.
Well complaining isn't the right word to describe about what i've done earlier, at the moment it seems like it's the closest word i can use tho...Anyway.....
In addition to my drama of the day today, when i was about to have my dinner just now, i had a call from my grandmother....well it was an accident call (i call it) where her phone (maybe her phone have it's own mind....you think?) accidently dialled my handphone and i heard on the other side that someone was having an intense conversation.
So as curious as ever, i try to listened to the conversation...to my surprise, i heard my name came out of no where and .....someone was actually bad mouthing me! I know for sure that my grandmother doesn't read and doesn't know how to dial her own handphone...what surprised me was, what actually happen? Miracle? That maybe God is finally here to show me what kind of relatives i have in my family? Talking about TRUE COLOURS!
As far as i remember, i have done nothing to this particular aunt of mine (well now, i don't think i remember i have such aunt....kapish!) What triggers her to say such hurtful things about me? I wish i knew.... After i decided that i heard enough "juicy" stories from that accident phone call, i passed the phone to my maid and she was SHOCKED! Yeap, she heard every details....every bit of whats left!
If you asked me, if am i sad or hurt or felt betrayed after this? And if i ever said NO, I will be lying...
To put it into a scene...my heart broke to pieces....shattered! At that moment, i asked myself...what did i do to deserve these? I'd never ask them for a single cent when i hit rock bottom broke....I never asked help from any of them when my family was really in deep S***!!! Whatever i own to this day is from my own initiative! My sweat, my tears and my sacrifices....everything! Every single thing!
What gives them the right to say such hurtful things about me? I OWE THEM NOTHING!!!!
There out loud, i let it off my chest! To this day, i never looked down on them for living a humble life, because i know and i understand that's the best they can do...and if they have problem they always come to me and i always listened if i can't help....is the least i could do....
Well, after i decided that it's too much for me to bare...i decided to call my grandmother's phone....and asked my granny to pass me to my aunt.
Don't worry, i didn't screamed or cursed or call her with unimaginable names....instead, i said to her " Aunty, i heard every single words that came out from your mouth (altho she still tries to deny it) about me....and i really wanna THANKED YOU for making me a HUMAN BEING! " ..."at this moment, this point of my life, i'm almost gone crazy with every bit of problems in my life and hearing you say such things about me behind my back, isn't helping at all"...."Thank You for making me feel this bad...i hoped it makes you happy." Full stop....
If you were in my shoe that time, what will you do?
At this moment, I'm mending my broken spirit, collecting it bit by bit...call it despair...i don't care!
I'm a girl who started with nothing and from no where, whatelse do i have to lose? I've lost a lot of things in life and I'm grateful for being given a second chance in life, to have lived until this day to make a change in my life and so as my family....
To those small minded people, i wish you'd never have to come across my path because if you do...you wouldn't have survived it!
So back off, and don't try and tell me that i'm a bad person or i've done some really bad thing in life, because you don't know me, you don't know what it takes to be me to survived all those things! And remember this, YOU ARE LUCKY TO BE ABLE TO CALL ME YOUR NIECE!!!
Thank you for teaching me a lesson today, something that i'll treasure for the rest of my life, one fine day...i'll be a very successful person and ...i'll see wether you still see me as the person you see me today....Thank you for giving me the strength to fight back! I hope you live long to see me on my way to success!!!!
Today's the first day of Hari Raya, and i'm still up thinking as usual, about a lot of things...mainly about life. Earlier on, on the raya eve.... i had dinner with my family (mum, sister in law/ Vince, nephews/abby & avin) and my close friends ( Mem, Che Che D, Em & Sam)....the soonest i'm back at home, i suddenly felt and realise... how empty my house is...almost as empty as my heart... After leaving Kinabalu Annex, and before heading home....i drove to the bank and i decided to roam around KK afterward, just to get a hang of that Raya Fever this year....it wasnt as jammed as few days back...where people rushing to buy new clothes and some other things for their family and loved ones.... Me? Let's just say, this year i don't feel the urge of buying clothes for myself...instead i told myself maybe it's time for me to get some clothes for the less unfortunate and the people that was left behind by their own family... A few days earlier...my mom was telling me about a homeless guy she hired to look after our family house back in our hometown. Jeff, that was his name. Before hiring him full time, to look after the house, my mom used to hire him part time to do some gardening and farm work for our family home backyard. Little that i know, Jeff, was asked to leave his family house because his mother thought of him as a burden to his family, because he's actually mentally retarded since birth. Now, you tell me..what's wrong with the world now adays? Doesn't the word sympathy have any meaning anymore? What happen to helping the less unfortunate? I'm definately not a millionaire at this moment, but if it can make a less unfortunate person to smile when they get a plate of rice or a new clothes....i don't mind at all... maybe to us it's cheap but for them it's A NEW CLOTHES! Some of them can't even afford to buy a piece of underwear! From what i heard, Jeff's relatives felt embarassed because he had to stay with us at our family home store house instead of staying with them...but if they have brain they would have offered him a place to stay on the first place! I was with mom at Giant CityMall and i had to practically tricked mom into coming with me to find Jeff a pair of new clothes. I felt really happy when i imagined how he would react when he sees his new shirt and pants...i secretly hope i can buy a mini radio for him so he can listens to songs over the radio. Imagine that he never watched television, have no friends to talk to, his only friend is his 15 ringgit handphone sized radio.....my heart breaks into pieces when i try to imagine living in his shoes.... I always believe, even animals you can train..and this is a living human being we're talking about here....altho he's mentally retarded, he's a human being for god sake! Have mercy!!!! I wish i could do a lot more...for now, i just do my best to do some small things and see how it'll go from there...I'm sure Jeff will turn out to be a better person dispite his less fortunate upbringing. I secretly wish that, one fine day his family will finally sees him as person who's indipendent far better off than those junkies, who are well equipped with healthy brain but didn't see how lucky they are! And i secret wish that one fine day, Jeff will find a girl to settle down and have a family with.... May he finds what he's looking for in life....Selamat Hari Raya....
Yesterday, there was something I couldn't let off from my chest... I came back from Tawau yesterday and i've been trying to reach out to some of my closes friends...but that too didn't do any good....end up... i came home about almost 5 am this morning still with heavy hearted feeling, but sober...not a single drop of alcohol (i'm secretly proud of myself plus the fact that i've a damaged liver helps too haaaa) I woke up about 10 am this this morning, still looking for something to help me get it off of my chest....finally while browsing thru You Tube (Thank You God for You Tube and internet...i don't how my life would be without these two...phewww!!) At first, i was really looking for something hardcore stuff (don't get me wrong....so not into those PORN Stuff!! So PERVERTS, BACK OFF!!!!) Grudge or heavy metal stuff....to release all these negative vibes i've been carrying since yesterday...then it hit me! Why look for heavy metal stuff when all these while, whenever i'm down the only best friend i can always look for something wise and inspirational was featured a few days back on E News!!! WHITNEY HOUSTON!!! So I quickly googled and there she was....on http://www.whitneyhouston.com/us/home singing her heart out on her interview with Oprah about her come back to showbiz after missing for more than 7 years.....all i can say, after looking for a song titled : I Look To You http://irenejohanmuseeq.blogspot.com/2009/09/whitney-houston-i-look-to-you.html and I Didn't Know My Own Strength http://irenejohanmuseeq.blogspot.com/2009/09/whitney-houston-i-didnt-know-my-own.html boy, that does it.....IT POURS LIKE RAIN! Phew and i feel good! Damn Good again!!!!! And me eating me favourite Honey Stars while, me typing me blog, just about now heeeeeeeeeeee.......did anyone said ice cream? ;p Ok, will talk about this later...first let me go to see my babies....BRB don't go anywhere ;)
This is another sweet and beautiful wedding song! I found it while looking for a new song to put on my music blog ( http:irenejohanmuseeq.blogspot.com ) .....so here's Lisa singing...Somewhere my baby waits for me.....
Mmm... My life is through but I have no doubt Someday I'll meet that someone I've dreamed about He may live around the globe far across the sea But somewhere my baby waits for me The moment that I see him, my heart will know Then I won't wait to tell him I love him so He'll be mine to have and hold for whole eternity Yeah, somewhere my baby waits for me Oh, somewhere my baby waits for me
When I see lovers passing I don't feel blue I know the things they're feeling I'll be feeling too I don't know where I'll meet him, I don't know when I only know that someday my search will end One fine day I'll turn around and there he will be Yeah, somewhere my baby waits for me
He may live around the globe far across the sea But somewhere my baby waits for me Oh, somewhere my baby waits for me
At this moment, i'm asking myself..what does a real mother do for her children? As a child, all i ever wanted was an acknowledgement from my mom, that i exist... that i'm doing all the thing within my reach, my capabality to change some of the thing in our life that during my childhood time my brother and i never been able to enjoy....is that wrong? Today, infact the whole time ever since she was around....i have a been carrying this weight down my heart...sometimes i swear to you, i felt like a knife shoved down my throat and heart..and she did this on purpose ...everytime.... I do not enjoyed being compared to my brother because he and me are two different people altho we're from the same root...but we are two complete different individual... Please stop doing that! I have been trying really hard to just ignored the hurtful things being thrown at me, sometimes i just have to swallowed it....but this time i think i had enough. All i ever want is a single word of encouragement. Why do YOU hate me that much? Do i remind You of someone? Haven't i done all the things that YOU wanted me as a daughter to do..and look where did i end up? When can i ever feel that i belonged to OUR family, without feeling like an outkast? Why can't i feel being as special as YOUR son? Why do i always have to listen to all YOUR advice when we both know it's not applicable to my life now? Why do YOU always make me feel small and unworthy of YOUR attention? I feel sick with all these never ending questions..... I do not have to obey all the advice to move forward in life I deserved to be happy after the BIG BREAK UP! I don't have to shoulder any more of the " DRAMA MOMENTS" you always throw at me...making me feel like it's all my fault! I for once want a life of my own, incase you forgot, i'm 34! I've spent a lifetime to find my direction in life ever since i moved out from home! I no longer want to be confused by all those drama....I'm a human being and i have feeling! I do not wish to be your punching bag for the rest of my life.... I deserved to be happy and to feel like i'm your daughter.... Can't you see, all i want from you is to feel loved by you? To finally feel like i have a mother, instead of being your mother? I wanna know how it felt, to be able to have a heart to heart talk with my mother. To enjoy a fine afternoon having coffee and just talk about life without being pissed off at for being honest. For being me..... Open your eyes before it's too late..... See that i'm here right infront of you...with an open arms waiting for you to finally embrace me as your daughter.... Other people sees me, why cant you? I'm not a difficult person to understand....open your eyes and your mind.... I forgive you.....but you just need to forgive yourself and learn to move on.... Because we can never change the past....all we can do is to learn from it and move on...no regrets! I'm here for you..... Your Daughter, Always Matahari
Ahhhhhh, as per Uncle Yap...my feng shui guru, on the 90th day after my birthday which was yesterday...i'm supposed to noticed a guy whom (oh my god, i don't believe myself that i'm blogging this out...sighhh...anyway....) is supposedly The One ;) I guess, i'm taking this feng shui thingy way too serious now.... and the verdict was...yes i met that so called Tall, Dark, Handsome but mysterious guy....he was at that place where i followed my instinct (that is heeeeeeeee)....I don't know why before i entered that place...i knew exactly where he was sitting and i happened to be right as soon as i entered. If that's not what you guys called faith...then i don't know what what else to say...Right at that moment, i felt like faith was playing with me, because....he suppossedly happily married, and there he was singing he's heart out at the bar! On that night where i'm supposed to find out who's that mystery so called, The One? Right after i felt a bit less nervous that time...i decided to delete his picture which i fondly kept in my mp3 phone...sighhhh i know...but i felt it was the right time to let go of it....for now....i'm just gonna stay where i stand and move on.... I'm actually writing this blog using my best friend's laptop at the club and i'm rushing out soon...since it's closing time ;) P/s : had a blast with the boys earlier...singing our heart out yeah!!!!! Viva Karaoke!!!! heeeeeeeeeeeeee Love all of u readers.... Yours Truly, Matahari
Well...before my laptop turn blue screen and before the fasting over... i wanna say, Selamat Berpuasa and incase i didnt get to see you guys on hari raya....Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri! My relationship with Mr Fujitsu (my laptop that is..not some random Jappanese guy...) nowadays really testing my patience...Imagine, u just got back from work and the only place where you normally wind down is, to have an intimate eye to eye with your laptop....and that too didnt work? I have been quite from my realm world (cyber world!!) because i don't think my relationship with Mr Fujitsu is going to work anymore...I've been with him since 2004 and i think it's about time to look for new Laptop Boyfriend! Or Maybe...Desktop Boyfriend! Anyway, recently...i found out from a very close friend of mine that, that CRUSH (a guy which i secretly had a crush with!!!) is actually belonged to someone else.....how do i feel after that? Let's just say, waking up in the morning and looking forward to see the sight of him is totally out of the question.... Don't worry, i'm not gonna kill myself over him or anything like that, i'm just impressed with myself on how quickly i can go deep in crush with some random face who i thought fits my Dream Man characteristic....pathetic, i know...but can't help it! This is what happen if you're diehard romantic at heart! Serves me right!!!! Bahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa...but OUCH at the same time....sighhhhhhh Yesterday, I was kinda down but my spirit was high again when i heard that Big B will get promoted to be one of the senior person in her government department! Now this seriously need some serious celebration! If only you guys know how she managed to change her life 360 degree! I'm so proud of you sweetie!!!! At least i've been there before you're somebody....and i'm glad we're closer than ever!!! You deserved that post and don't come asking me whether it's appropriate to spend your money on something expensive for yourself this month.....YOU DESERVED EVERY PENNY OF IT!!!! AND I'M SOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU!!!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!! I told Big B I believed in her and she proved me right!!! To those who avoid seing her after her downfall....this i can say, sometimes all they need is a little encouragement...never ever judged a book by its cover....it took 1999 times for Benjamin Franklin to fail his experiment and 1 successful experiment to make a difference...and he changed the world with his invention! So bravo Big B!!!! You can make a difference, believe in yourself and you'll get there!!! I have faith in you...hugsssss! As for me....i might fail a few more crush after this one...but i know he's there somewhere waiting for me to discover him....you just watch ;) P/s : A good friend of mine told me, a friend of a friend enjoyed reading my blog (secretly that is ;)) No worries sweetheart, just keep reading....if it does make a difference in your life after reading my blog, please do add yourself in, i dont bite ;) i love having friends...and i dont care if you think you're on the same level as other friend or not...as long as you have clear intention and a good heart...you're already my friend... I really appreciate it.. for reading my blog, for noticing my inner thoughts and for acknowledging me as a blog writer....i'm truly blessed! Welcome home to my blog and feel free to post any question or anything, even if you have to use Nom De Plume ( Nickname, in french) Yours truly, Matahari
Whew! August is indeed a great month! The time now is 3.03am and i'm still here infront of my laptop and romantising about the incident earlier...heeeeee Anyway, I was at Shennanigan, Hyatt with 2 of my close girls ;) playing pool and drinking cranberry juice and listening to the band (dang, i forgotten about the name of the band! ) reminising about the good ole days, where Shen used to be our second home ;) by that, no joke eh! Me & Big B were jumping up and down while playing pool, and screaming singing "Sweet Child of Mine", while Mem watched and laughed...heeeeeee Earlier, i was at Kinabalu Annex with the two having dinner ;) until i can't bare it anymore with all the noise, come on ...gimme a break! I just wanted a quiet evening after a pretty hectic day with my 2 close girls.... then when i finally reached my limit, i asked Big B and Mem to sit Ala Al Fresco at the patio....finally! To my surprise, the guy (let's just call him, tall & dark singer! Because he sings really well and he's tall and mysteriously dark...DANG!) suddenly came out from his car and i was ...BLUSHED for no reason! Oh my god! And yeah, at this age eh? Heeeeeee Hmmm....how should i put this to words? He's those whom i normally will give a second glance, and he makes me feel "all butterfly inside" ;) , get what i mean? Bahahahaaaaaaaa......well as you guys know by now, i'm famous for having crush in an instant! I have no control over my heart....it has it's own mind...sighhhhh....but it felt so damn good tho...you have nooooo idea... heeeeeee! That was the third time i saw him so far and he does make a lasting impression. The first time was not really nice tho, because i was a bit irritated with him. I remembered it was on sunday, somewhere in June. At the same place, where he was with his friends and i was at the bar, and singing with my other close friend, Manja. It was after meeting with a new photgrapher friend.... What makes him irritating to my eyes that time was, whenever i sing a song...as soon as the song finished, he'll request the same song and sing it again! At first, i didnt noticed until manja pointed it out and after hearing his friends laughed at him for singing the same bloody song! That was when i turn around and looked at him..and boy, he was fine....heeeee but he irritates me! SHOOT! Then recently, somewhere end of July...i saw him again! He was sitting at the spot at the bar where i love to sit! Arrggghhhhhhhhh! Enough already! To my agony that time, i had to sit near the speaker (the only table available that time) looking directly at his a** view! Sighhh...but he got a fine asset there i must say ;) ( now i know the meaning of...everything happens for a reason!) So there i was with my another new photographer friend and Mem having dinner and i was well equipped with a birthday cake for my photographer buddy....for his birthday surprise! At the same time, I was secretly wondering, who was that mysterious dark, tall and good singer but irritating...i said to myself...God please let me know what's his name ...at least? What i didnt know, when my photographer buddy blew his birthday candles, Mr Mysterious came over to shake hands with us all...and told me his name! Guessed my wishes came true! Heeeeeeeeeee......(I honestly had a "Perasan Moment" that very moment!!!) Ah well, at least i'm being honest eh ? Then, today 3rd August....we met again for the third time! Coincidence? I don't know...but it felt good ;) damn good =) because, the part i forgotten to mentioned, as soon as he came out from his car, he had a second glance at me (well, maybe he thought that "i've seen this girl somewhere", or something...well another "perasan moment" here again!) but he looks good, even better than the first and second time i saw him....sighhh ( i think this is what they called, "cloud nine moment" ) heeeeeee
** Oh my, i totally forgotten about the whole reason why i'm blogging today, here goes: Happy Birthday my dearest Andre (my one and only brother!) You're a year wiser now, and also a daddy to three handsome boys...the moment i'm writing now, i'm listening to our favourite song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and altho i'm having this "butterfly thing" going on, I want you to know that i think about you and your family a lot lately...i just miss you, and i wish that one fine day, you'll be back here again on the main land with me and mommy...i really do miss you! I remembered crying when i listened to your birthday wish on the morning of my birthday few years back, because i thought you've forgotten about my special day! You were singing this song on my voicemail..and that really touched me....thank you...so this will be our special song for the rest of our life for as long as i live.... I remembered, you were always pissed at me when i interrupted your singing session back in the days. Remember the time we were at the staircase back at home those days, there was this time, you were really pissed at me for singing your song (Somewhere Over The Rainbow) while we were pretending to wait for Papa to come home? I bet you don't...but i do....that's how much i love you, dear brother...my one and only brother.... Those memories will be with me no matter where i am, because you're always in my heart and my prayers...if it means for me to give you my last breath, i will do it, i did it once and i'll definately do it again, and that's how much you meant to me....No matter what, i love you just the same as yesterday and tomorrow....I may not live up to a hundred years but while i'm still here, I'm gonna tell you what i feel because I'm the one and only sister you have, as you're the one and only brother to me.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETHEART...MAY ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN LIFE COME TO YOU AND MAY LOVE BE WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO...You're always in my heart. HUGSSSSSSSSS Yours Truly, Kakak P/s: This one's for you, just the way we love it....Mwahhhh
Life with me is like riding a roller coaster!
How to describe me?
A Romantic at heart, I value all good virtues,an old fashioned girl at heart.
Doing my best to be the best version of myself and a good human being as i can.
I may not have the virtue or the noblelity,But i have love, And when i love, I love Strongly, Exclusively, Steadfastly...
